Humor and Philosophy in the
Splinters Newsletter
by Loyd Ackerman
In volunteering to help with the archiving process, I had no idea of what I was getting into. Every issue from January 1986 to December 1995, plus a few others, had to be scanned and edited. In most cases, I used a program called Textbridge to scan and convert the image to text and Microsoft Word to edit the text and turn it into a HTML document. That document was then uploaded to Richard for linking into the index on the site. The bad news was that the scanning program can do just so much in the conversion process and had lots of trouble with many issues in all caps and others printed on a dot matrix printer. That’s where my disclaimer comes in. You’ll likely see many spelling and grammar errors. My intent was to copy the issues as they were written – the good and the bad. Unfortunately, Textbridge is not a perfect conversion tool, and alas neither am I a perfect editor. So, what you see is what you get. If you study intently, you will be able to get the jest of the thing.
Well that’s all behind us now, and there’s good news. When one edits a page, one also reads it. I’ve got to tell you that I found these things very entertaining and informative, funny in places and philosophical in others. I would be remiss if I didn’t share some of this with you, but first I need to introduce you to the cast of characters – the Splinters Editors.
Joe Pawlick was the first Editor. He started the whole thing off. In Henry Davis’ words:
The newsletter in that time period was done by our first Secretary, Joe Pawlick. If I remember correctly during our organizational meeting a newsletter was not discussed, I might stand corrected on that. I believe it was Joe's idea to send out a notice of the meetings and do a newsletter. . . . Joe would do the Newsletter, get the original to me and I would make copies . . . I folded them, hand addressed them and licked the stamps ! Of course we were only sending out about 15 or so newsletters. I don't think it was too long before Joe started doing address labels which made the job much easier. I credit Joe for getting us off to a good start, he seemed to be a natural organizer and had a great way with words. I feel this was a big factor in our By-laws and Constitution being written as well as they were. H
Joe served as Editor until 1988 when Tom and Susan Church took over.
Editors from then on were:
1989 to 1994 – Susan and Tom Church
1995 Lucinda Howard
1996 and 1997 – Richard Gulley
1998 to present (2003) – Tom Gillard
Joe Pawlick penned the first of many philosophical entries with the following:
BEGINNERS (excerpted from the June1986 issue of Splinters)
Did you ever notice how most people fail to look at their own work as objectively as they do the work of others? It was pointed out to me that most of our club members are really quite new to the hobby. While I was one of those who really enjoyed the last “show and tell”. I felt most projects were much more advanced than mine, or were they? As I talked to other club members about the tendency for each of us to critique our own work harshly, we realized that all but a few club members are really beginners, some just a bit more advanced than others! Each of us has found a few aspects of this wonderful hobby that we enjoy and we fail to remember that very few woodworkers can make Ethan Allen quality furniture. Most of us get outlandish enjoyment out of just making a really good dove tail joint, refining our favorite finishing technique or solving a shop problem with some neat jig or guide. The bottom line is that we each can be contented with our own interests and level of competence and not feel a need to compare our work with that of anyone else. While we continue to expand our horizons, we’re all beginners who need to let our projects reflect our joy in woodworking.
Pretty philosophical and as applicable today as it was then. Speaking of applicability, how about Joe’s article in the October 1986 issue.
WHO AM I!
(excerpted from the October 1986 issue of Splinters)
I attended a woodworking club meeting a few months ago and everyone was friendly and asked me to join. I did. I attended a couple of meetings and saw that guests were treated warmly but “signed up” members were left to their own devices. I missed a meeting and when I returned, no one seemed to notice my absence. A minor series of medical problems caused me to miss a couple of more meetings but no one seemed to care. I don’t think I want to join the woodworking club this year.
Could the person who wrote that narrative be referring to our club? I think some of us have felt a bit that way in many clubs we’ve joined. To someone just joining a club there’s a letdown after the first flurry of “getting to know you” activity is over. That’s when the challenge begins for each of us. Each of our members are keys to the success of the club. Our hospitality, friendliness, and interest in the club should be evident not just when a new member joins us, but at every meeting. Start at the next meeting by making it a point to talk to someone you didn’t talk to at the last meeting, or bring in an unannounced-”show and tell” so that others can get to know you (Henry or Phil can always make time available). In short, make the effort to make the club the kind of friendly organization you’ve always wanted to belong to.
The guy was a real philosopher, wasn’t he? That isn’t the best of it though. Consider this:
(excerpted from the January 1987 issue of Splinters)
My typewriter hxs x problem. It hxs xbout xs mxny keys xs the woodworking club hxs members but one of the keys doesn’t join in with the rest. Since I don’t use the key very often I just keep putting off getting it fixed. Thxt’s the wxy it is with the woodworking club too, sometimes it’s just exsier to not join in xnd let the others do the show xnd tell xnd work on committees. I guess if I xm ever going to get much good out of this typewriter I better get it fixed befxre xny xther kxy stxrts tx fxil
It takes all of us pulling together to make the club a success. A hearty THANKS to everyone from the outgoing officers. All members worked hard and made the first year of the Tennessee Valley Woodworkers a great success. We now look forward to another grext year!!
Joe moved away around the beginning of 1988 and was replaced by Susan and Tom Church. In reading the Splinters issues for 1986 and 1987, it’s obvious that these members had done a lot for the club already, but they were responsible for Splinters for six years from 1989 to 1994. That’s a long time to do any one thing, but the Churches never lost a sense of humor. Look at this from the April 1989 issue:
Here we are approaching mid-April and we’re still in “Dogwood Winter’. We’ve all heard of “April Showers bringing those May flowers. Maybe it ought to be something more like “April monsoon won’t end til June” OR maybe “April precipitation brings May anticipation” just one more “April torrents bring wishful moments” and last “April inundation brings thoughts of summer vacation.” Needless to say it’s another rainy day.... a great opportunity to spend some time in the shop.. .maybe even fix the lawn mower up for another glorious season of mowing.
Or this from the June 1989 issue:
Yes. It’s that time of the month again. The most popular tune for June has been How Wet I Am.” The number two spot is currently held by that popular group the Dewdrops singing everyone’s favorite “Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down’. But. seriously folks, hasn’t all this rain been a blessing? We’ve had regular June Monsoon here lately. Some of the farmers down here in Belvidere have planted rice instead of soy beans.
One of my favorites is from the December 1989 issue:
· YES, THE WEATHER OUTSIDE IS FRIGHTFUL; THE CHILL OF THE SHOP IS SPITEFUL.
Well, the Churches weren’t all humor. There were some very serious moments in the Splinters of that era. How about this from April 1990:
Here it is APRIL already. I think of April as a kind of a “waiting” month. It always seems as though one spends much of April waiting: waiting for the rain to stop, waiting for the weather to warm, waiting for the garden to dry or even waiting for the Easter Bunny to arrive. Come to think of it. April may not be the only “waiting” month. There are several other months of “waiting”: waiting for inspiration (any month), waiting for money (any month), waiting for cool weather (summer months). waiting for help (any month), waiting for the glue to dry (any month). One last thread of truth regarding April waiting “time and taxes waits for no man”.
And they weren’t above a little poetry. Check this from the June 1990 issue.
A FEW FAMOUS OR NOT SO FAMOUS LITERARY QUOTES OF JUNE FROM LORD BYRON
“SEEK ROSES IN DECEMBER, ICE IN JUNE”
ANONYMOUS (OLD ENGLISH PROVERB)
“A SWARM OF BEES IN MAY IS WORTH A LOAD OF HAY;
A SWARM OF BEES IN JUNE IS WORTH A SILVER SPOON;
A SWARM OF BEES IN JULY IS NOT WORTH A FLY.”
September was a little more philosophical:
MY, MY IT’S BEEN DRYII! IT’S BEEN SO DRY DOWN HERE IN BELVIDERE THAT YESTERDAY...I SAW TWO BUSHES FIGHTING OVER A DOG...IMAGINE THAT. MAYBE US WOODWORKERS SHOULD TRY BUILDING ON A NEW WATER TABLE. I’VE HEARD OF WATER BEDS. THOSE GEOLOGISTS OUGHT TO HAVE A GOOD SET OF PLANS FOR A WATER TABLE. I’M AFRAID ALL THIS HOT WEATHER HAS JUST FRIED WHAT LITTLE BRAIN CELLS I HAD LEFT
February 1991 was more helpful:
YES FELLOW WOODWORKERS IT’S MID FEBRUARY ALREADY. THE TIME FOR ANOTHER ACTION PACKED AND FUN-FILLED SPLINTERS IS HERE... THE THIRD TUESDAY FALLS A LITTLE EARLY THIS MONTH. WE ALWAYS LOOSE TRACK OF TIME DURING FEBRUARY.... IT’S ALL THE PARTIES. WE’RE JUST NOW RECOVERING FROM GROUND HOG DAY. SUSAN ALWAYS HAS TO TRY A NEW GROUND HOG RECIPE... I SOMETIMES WISH SHE ‘D STICK WITH SOMETHING THAT’S A LITTLE MORE TRIED AND TRUE -- LIKE GROUND HOG MEAT LOAF. PLEASE DON’T REMIND HER OF POSSUM DAY. IF HE SEES HIS SHADOW, YOU CAN GO ANOTHER YEAR WITHOUT A BRAKE JOB ON YOUR PICKUP. WHO KNOWS WHAT VALENTINE’S DAY WILL BRING?
Note that Tom and Susan used an all capitals font on their typewriter. I hate that. Textbridge has a lot of trouble converting that stuff to text, and Word gets all confused. Do you suppose they did that to confuse me?
There were loads of almost limericks like:
‘THOSE DECEMBER DRIZZLES BRING ON THE CHRISTMAS FIZZLES”??
Or in the October 1992 issue:
O SUNS AND SKIES AND CLOUDS OF JUNE,
AND FLOWERS OF JUNE TOGETHER,
YE CANNOT RIVAL FOR ONE HOUR
OCTOBER’S BRIGHT BLUE WEATHER
A lament in December 1992:
A DECEMBER To REMEMBER... COLD, COLD AND MORE COLD !! PERFECT WEATHER FOR WORKING IN YOUR UNHEATED SHOP... NO PAIN.. NO GAIN. YES INDEED FALL HAS FALLEN TO THE ICY GRIPS OF WINTER. I WAS JUST PONDERING THE GENDER OF WINTER ... WE HAVE MOTHER EARTH AND FATHER TIME, BUT WINTER MUST BE COMPLETELY WITHOUT GENDER.. .I’M NOT SURE THAT EVEN MOTHER NATURE WOULD CLAIM A KINSHIP WITH WINTER. ALTHOUGH EVEN WINTER DOES HAVE A FEW REDEEMING QUALITIES... IT GIVES US A DEEPER APPRECIATION OF HEAT, WARMTH AND OTHER THINGS THAT I MAY RECALL ONCE MY BRAIN THAWS IN JULY.
And January 1993 showed that things didn’t improve. It kind of makes you wonder why the club didn’t buy their Editors a heater for the shop.
Here we are in January still trying to recall what sunlight looked and felt like. The days are getting longer again but not any brighter. I’m certain that this is precisely just how the last Ice Age started -- like a virus (Latin for “your guess is as good as mine”). Day after painful day you tell yourself “it will get better”, but day after day, it only gets worse. Wow!!! What-doom and gloom to start out the year with.. .PLEASE keep on reading. It does get better...
April 93
Speaking of Spring and April. We’ve just received an April NEWS FLASH! from our cheap correspondent, Jack Townsend, currently in exile in EstiIl Springs.. .Jack’s hot scoop is that April is officially National Woodworkers Month. How about that’ Do you think Jack’s man Willy C. had anything to do with this proclamation??? In any case . . .please treat yourself extra special this month.. .pat yourself on the back an extra time or two.. .buy yourself another worthless tool (“one man’s tool is another man’s gimmick (TOOLY’. . .say something nice to yourself or just invite a friend or a neighbor to come visit with the Tennessee Valley Woodworkers.
Then there came the Wizdum, Nonsense, and Tidbits series:
March 1993: A piece of anonymous wizdum. Anyone who says he never had a chance, never took a chance.
May 1993: Now a few words of Wizdum plagiarized from “Click and Clack”, the tappet brothers from a graduation address “life is hard -- it’s even harder if you’re stupid” . . .. from Ted Williams “If you can’t think too well -- don’t think too much”.
July 1993: Now for a little wizdium . .To err is human to blame it on somebody else is even more human You can say one thing for ignorance: it certainly causes a lot of interesting arguments Don’t worry about swallowing your pride. It has no cholesterol...laugh at yourself before anyone else can.. .The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.... last an Italian proverb... After the ship has sunk everyone knows how she might have been saved.
August 1993: Now for a few Tidbits —It sure gets late early out there. .Yogi Berra—A new tie often attracts the soup of the day—Did you ever notice that those who often know the least know it the loudest?—When an egotist meets an egotist, it’s an I for an I — Baldness -- the folically challenged!!
September 1993: Another Yogism - Include me out.... Murphy’s Law - if the shoe fits- Its not for sale.
November 1993: NONSENSE
*Genealogy.. The process of tracing back your family as far as the money goes.
*Economist -- A person who knows all about money but has none.
*Doctors.. The only people who haven’t a guaranteed cure for a cold.
*Opportunity ..is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work - Thomas Edison
*Glyme’s Formula for Salesmanship- The secret of salesmanship is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made...
January 1994: Time for a little levity:
“Antique Tables Made Daily” - sign outside a cabinetmaker’s shop in Sperryville, Virginia
Spelling tip from one of our “Splinter” readers -- First rule of spelling iz that there is only one “Z” in is.. .“thankz”.
Chauvinist - Do you know why God made man first?.. .cause he didn’t want any advice.
July 1994: Now for sum wizdum
• Beware of people who say they’re going to “take care of it as if it were their very own...pretty soon it is.
* How many people work for the U.S. government?? .. None!!
A little self deprecation in September 1994:
That’s right ... just remember you heard it first right here in the “Splinters”, published for the inquiring mind by the lame minded.
October 1994:
Once again, we welcome the cold crisp mornings and clear sunny days of “October’s bright blue weather”. Time to watch those shades of autumn inch their way down the mountain. Now for a little Wizdum:
*How you react when the joke’s on you can reveal your character
*Abstainer: A weak person yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
*Even Noah got no salary for the first six months — partly because of the weather and partly because he was in training, learning navigation
*When you arrive at your future, will you blame your past?
November 1994: Now a little wizdum:
*Bumper sticker - Washington, D.C. 87 square miles surrounded by reality.
*Flying? - I’ve been to almost as many places as my lost luggage -- Bob Hope
*Never smarten up a chump -- W. C. Fields
*The fact that a sucker is born every minute is not as important to the scam artist as the certainty that so many of the victims can be recycled.
From December 1994
The maple tree was down, and spalted
My neighbor thought it double-faulted.
Once for falling on his roof,
Once for being so aloof.
That it would turn its golden grain
Into an anaerobic stain
Of waves and streaks and mottled lines
And prove unfit for smooth designs
In kitchen cabinets and such.
In short, he didn’t like it much.
And so he gave the tree to me,
Who knew, conversely, how to see
That germs can beautify wood,
And “ruin” can sometimes be good
For men who find their hearts exalted
By maple logs that have been spalted
-Richard L Miller, Elizabethtown, Pa. FW/FEB 92
Then there were some funny (or not so funny) incidents reported in Splinters: (Ed: You may have guessed the I in this is Tom Church.)
PHIL BISHOP. HENRY DAVIS. TOM COWAN AND I SPENT A VERY ENJOYABLE WEEKEND AT THE WOOD TURNING SEMINAR IN SMITHVILLE. IF YOU’VE GOT THE TIME, JUST ASK ONE OF US IF WE ENJOYED IT! THE TOP BUNK IS BAD ENOUGH, BUT A TOP BUNK FULL OF GRAVEL IS ABSOLUTE ABUSE. TOM AND HENRY GAVE NEW MEANING TO “ROCK—A—BYE BABY”... SOME FOLKS JUST KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN AT OTHER PEOPLE’ S EXPENSE.
Well, that’s a brief rundown of just some of the Church’s contributions to Splinters. Read through their years in Splinters by going to the Newsletter Archives on the http://www.tnvalleywoodclub.org/ web site and see some more. While you are there, see if you can tell whether Tom or Susan were that month’s Editor. If the Churches brought humor into Splinters, subsequent Editors brought their own specialties to the job.
In 1995, Lucinda Howard became President and Splinters Editor. She opened the year with:
Dear Members: I have never been president of anything before and have never put out a newsletter before, so this is going to be an interesting new experience for this new year. I hope everyone’s resolutions have the word “wood” somewhere in them....
Lucinda brought a business-like era to Splinters – but not without a little irony and humor.
February 1995 -- Ross brought a martin house made from one sheet of plywood and a cherry rocking horse. When asked if the horse was made of plywood, Ross replied that he never worked with plywood- It was for the birds
March 1995 -- This newsletter is from the notes of Susan Church, a much funnier writer than I. . . . Henry Davis is either building a carved shoe for an eight foot giant, or he is carving a walnut crescent for an eight foot wardrobe.
April 1995 -- If there is anyone that would like to teach Richard (Gulley) how to make bread, or give him some good recipes to try out, just get in touch with him.
July 1995 -- Janie promised us cool weather at Falls Mill on the 15th. Our part of the show runs from 9am until 4pm. Please check with Phil Bishop if you need electricity, tables, etc. Janie will feed us again for lunch. Make sure that you arrive early for one of the most funnest days of the year. And everyone make sure to stop by the Belvidere Market on your way back. Don’t stop on the way out - Susan doesn’t serve breakfast yet, I gather.
Then came 1996 and the modern era of Splinters publication. Richard Gulley, our first computer guru, took over and hit us with a volume reference system. The January 1996 issue came out with a new header. We were really impressed.
: ________________________________________________________________
Vol.11 Issue 1 Tennessee Valley Woodworkers January 1996
___________________________________________________________________
If anyone thought this was going to be a business as usual Editor he put it to rest with his first line in the January 1996 issue and capped it off with his closing statement of that issue.
Well, It’s 10 pm New Year’s Day and I thought I should get this newsletter thing going. It’s just now dawning on me that I might be in over my head. It feels so natural. On with the show.
Well, I probably shouldn’t use all my good stuff the first month so I’ll try to tie this one up.
- I hope the Claus was good to you all and I expect to see lots of new goodies at Show-N-Tell.
- The New Year brings with it many opportunities - take advantage of all you can (and share a few with friends). New responsibilities also rear their heads, the least of which is probably your annual club dues. The best money you’ll spend all year.
- Jack sent me this goodie— The only difference between a rut and a groove is your frame of mind.
-Well, it’s Jan. 7 now and, no, I haven’t been working on this newsletter for six solid days. . . .
Richard opened up the World Wide Web for us picking up interesting links, articles, and not a little humor. Of course, I suspect some of the humor was home grown.
March 1996
I was born naked, wet and hungry - and then things got worse.
More is better, too much is just enough.
NO MONEY SPENT ON TOOLS IS WASTED
April 1996 (A little philosophy)
I am confident that all will work out, for given enough time all things - good or bad - will change. If you don’t like the present situation, just wait - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- -. That’s enough waiting on with the news
May 1996 (Always a good start)
Well, it’s time to put my shoulder to the wheel, my hand to the plow and my nose to the grindstone to get out another issue of Splinters. I don’t exactly know how any of that will produce a newsletter - seems it would only lead to sore shoulders, a bloody nose and blisters. Methinks folks who thought up old sayings were gluttons for punishment. Let’s move on.
August 1996 (And occasionally some good advice from the Editor)
I do want to leave you with this word of advice. If at first you don’t succeed. don’t try Skydiving.
November 1996
My doctor would never operate unless it was absolutely necessary. No, really, he’s just that kind of guy. If he doesn’t need the money, he won’t lay a hand on you.
Then came that famous closing “Watch out for SPLINTER’S.”! AND more humor!
December 1996 (on a serious note)
The club will furnish drinks, plates, and napkin type stuff. The rest of us will bring our favorite foods and goodies. (Editor’s note: While low calorie and other health-oriented foods are not prohibited, they are discouraged - after all it’s Christmas).
March 1997
It appears we’re on the back side of another winter. Spring has sprung and of course a young man’s fancy turns to what else but woodworking. To be both socially and politically correct, I will also include young ladies fancies as well as the fancies of those of us not so young. (It’s so easy to get side-tracked!)
June 1997
Closing Out
*“The trouble with good ideas is that they soon degenerate into a lot of hard work” - Anon.
*Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.
* Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns cause they taste funny?
* The Darwin Awards are for people who defy the force of evolution and insist on being more stupid than our animal friends.
August 1997
Greetings Woodchuckers! It’s time for another exciting episode of Splinters - the story of a merry band of woodworkers and their never ending search for Truth, Justice, and the American Way. (or a really good deal on a few hundred board feet of seasoned hardwood.)
Richard had brought us two years of humor, philosophy, and technical advancement. He added more content to the newsletter and started adding graphics from magazines and the Internet. Then came time for the Editor to pass the baton to a new Editor. Richard was doing the Splinters job while going to school. He finally had to give up and let someone else do the job while he continued his education and spent some more time with his family. So the Editor’s job was to be passed to Tom Gillard as 1998 came on the horizon. Richard had continued the Humor and Philosophy aspect of the newsletter but, aided by access to the Internet, had also brought more content into the publications. Here are Richard’s exit pieces. These didn’t fall into the humor category, but sincerity did poke through.
November 1997
This issue is sort of bittersweet for me as December will be my last issue of Splinters. While I do need to free up some time for other things (woodworking for example), I will miss putting the newsletter together each month. I’ve learned a lot about word processing, time management and the karma of copying machines in the last two years. Lessons that will, no doubt, serve me well the rest of my days. Thanks for the opportunity to serve as the Editor of Splinters.
December 1997
Well, that about wraps up another issue of Splinters (and another year.) I hope you’ve enjoyed perusing these past two years of the newsletter. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed putting them together. Thanks to all who contributed and helped make things go a little smoother. And thanks to all the Tennessee Valley Woodworkers for allowing me to serve and contribute in some small way.
Tom Gillard took over the Editor’s position in January 1998 and brought us farther into the modern era. Tom started posting Splinters on the Internet on his private web site at cafes.net. Until that time, Splinters was mailed to all member households. With the beginning of web posting, the club was able to forgo the cost of copying and mailing; thus, we were able to maintain our original low dues and do some other things with the savings.
Tom started his tenure with the following in January 1998 with a little humor:
Newsflash:
NO, the mailman didn’t lose most of the newsletter this month. Don’t go blaming the dog for eating it. I am in need of a lot of newspaper to put in these shoes that Richard left behind. Please bear with me as I get the feel for this process and learn where all of the web information is located and start gathering my own ideas for this newsletter.
It did not take much time for Tom to get in the swing of things and to fill Richard’s shoes. Tom started in January with a “resource” survey and then used the information to profile several of the members over the next months. He began including articles on wood and tree profiles from magazines and the Internet along with other Internet articles on tools, tips, and general woodworking. Tom added emphasis to new member recognition. He included minutes from the Secretary’s notes and a more complete accounting of Show and Tell. One of Tom’s major introductions was the use of real photographs taken at club events and meetings.
This sounds like all business, but Tom’s technical approach did not go without some humor and philosophy either. Here are a few excerpts:
July 1998: Even if you are on the right track, you can still be run over if you don’t move. Will Rogers.
Also a little philosophy from that same issue:
Another moment, please: At last months meeting, Tom C. and Loyd A. talked about the turning bee that was held last month. Everyone had favorable things to say about it and there was great interest shown in doing more specialized activities like this one. Tom said something that made me realize why and I like this club so much, other than the people. He said that this club and the activities offered were, “to discover and sample all aspects of wood and woodworking.” This is a very important statement for all of us. I have learned many things from many talented people and have seen other things that I sure would like to try. I hope everyone else in the club is having this same experience!
January 1999: “The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy:” Sam Levenson
February 1999: Look at http://www.tnvalleywoodclub.org/Archives/1999/TVWW 2-99.pdf to see a little humor in photography. Phil Bishop and Tom Cowan exchanged beards (just for the photo).
April 1999: “We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paper work is overwhelming.” Werner Von Broun
August 2000:
The New Creation
One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotion it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arms around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts," she whispered in his ear. "It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $79.95!"
The year 2001 brought some new things to Splinters. Enabled by the Internet, links to woodworking sites and those of TVW members started to show up in Splinters. Tom started using more web techie stuff too. Check out the webmaster links and special graphics.
But 2001 wasn’t all business.
April 2001:
For, lo, the winter is past, the
rain is over and gone; the flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing
of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land.
Song of Solomon
As you’ve no doubt noticed, Tom’s approach to the newsletter was more technical and serious than that of his predecessors, but then there was the November 2001 issue:
For those who thought the hardest part of Physics 101 was the constant conversion from feet and inches to the metric system, including all its Newtons, Joules, and Watts, here are some other useful conversions:
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1-Rod Serling
Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
1000 aches: 1 megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line
454 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles
2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds
10 cards: 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
10 rations: 1 decoration
100 rations: 1 C-ration
2 monograms: 1 diagram
8 nickels: 2 paradigms
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
100 Senators: Not 1 decision.
Or how about the subtle (subliminal) reminder in the March 2002 issue:
*dues are due*pay your dues*dues are due*pay your dues*dues are due*pay your dues*dues are due* pay your dues*
The Gillard Era is still going strong. Tom made a lot of folks very happy when he accepted the Editor’s position for a sixth year. That is dedication folks. Not many people have contributed so much to any club.
Well, Splinters is still a work in progress, isn’t it. Tom Gillard has taken us from the paper age to the Internet age in short order, and has educated a lot of us with subtle persuasion and helped, along with Richard Gulley, lead us to the next possible step for Splinters – a home of its own at http://www.tnvalleywoodclub.org/. However, every Editor has contributed to the evolution too. Each one of these members, in their own way, has had a major role in bringing the club to its present state.
With all of Splinters on the web site now, we can look back at the entire scope of the club’s evolution. We can see the things tried and succeeded and those tried and, well, not done so well. It may help future club leaders avoid some pitfalls or give them some ideas from the past that may help with their planning.
We owe a debt of gratitude to our Editors past. Each has spent many hours of toil for the betterment of the club and the members. It’s not a big list either, so thanking them should be an easy enough task.
Thanks Joe for helping to get us started! Come visit when you’re in our neck of the woods.
Thanks Tom and Susan! See you at the next meeting.
Thanks Lucinda! Come on back!
Thanks Richard – for both Splinters and the web site! I love it when a plan comes together.
Thanks Tom! Keep up the good work.